ELEGY for "GO BANANAS"

For year’s now, I’ve been “going bananas” trying to find the Snapple ”Go Bananas” flavor in delis who would sell it consistently and now they’re discontinuing it! :(

*SNIFF* I loved Snapple! We had something special and beautiful together. I’d pay them money and  they’d give me banana juice & Real Facts. I can;t live without that relationship.

Hey, Snapple, here’s a Real Fact for you: “One of Snapple’s best customers doesn’t know if he can go on living without “Go Bananas”!

*SOB* 

Do you even know how hard it is to find bottled banana juice in stores in the tri-state area? I have to drive an hour away to Corrado’s! Once there, I endure the sights, sounds and smells of disgusting, international, third-world goat parts, cattle genitalia and the stench of a thousand rotting cheeses! 

My investigations have led me to several deli workers that stock shelves and order the shipments who claim Snapple canceled that glorious, liquid-orgasm of a juice product  because of quickly spoiling puree and lack of popularity. Really? Diet Coke works as a spermicide but you can’t improve your puree?

Some creative marketing was all it would’ve taken to keep the love of my life on shelves. People I’ve talked to over the years have never even heard of banana Snapple!

*SIGH* If only there was some way I could go campaigning to make this a non-private sectror issue. Shit, I gotta get me a Super PAC, before those are (hopefully) discontinued as well. 

Sincerely and with all due respect,                                                                                                                                 The Rev. Sir, Dr. Kevin M. Kinnelon-Piastra, P.H.D. (Piastra Honorary Doctorate)                                          Dictated, not read.

FACEBOOK POLITICS

Hey! How y'all doing tonight? It's 3:30 in the afternoon?

Oh well. Anyway, it's been a hell of a while since I talked to you folks. I guess you could say I took a blogging hiatus, even though most people who call themselves bloggers got to be that way from taking one too many a hiatus. But I digress.

I wanted to talk to you today about a touchy subject, a topic most comedians don't like to discuss for fear that it alienates their audience members and shoos off potential fans. Controversy should usually be avoided! I speak, of course, about...FaceBook!

Hahaha, you thought I was gonna say "politics!" didn't you? Well, I'm an unpredictable guy. Hell, I might even be so wild as to not spell-check this post.

Alright, so really, I just wanted to share with you an encounter I experienced about fourteen minutes ago.
The following is a funny, true conversation I had with an old classmate (haven't seen him in years!) on FaceBook. Feel free to forward it in your E-Mails. We’ll call him Bob:

BOB: A black, a Muslim, and a communist walk into a bar. The bartender says “what can I get you to drink, Mr. President?”

KEVIN PIASTRA: half black, not Muslim, and not even almost a Socialist.

BOB: I’m entitled to my beliefs.

KP: Why would you want to believe something that’s been proven false? One plus one isn’t five, but you’re entitled to believe that too.

BOB: That’s all I ask.

KP: A racist, a bigot, and a stubborn/closed-minded guy walk into a bar, the bartender says, “What can I get ya, Bob?”

BOB: Too far, Kev, too far.

KP: Not as far as your joke.

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