PROMO: "The Piastra Factor"

sorry this one is so loud, just like me!

"The Most Intriguing Dude Alive"

SOMETHING I made a while back just to amuse myself.

THE PIASTRA FACTOR: Season 2 Excerpt

Could there Still be Hope?

     Today, on this the 2nd of June, I have tracked down what are likely the remaining two Banana Snapples that were for sale. But where there are two, there could be more! I hope. My life-force dearly relies on these drinks, as you know from reading an earlier post.

     I will keep you all up to date on my latest information acquired throughout my travels and investigations, as I have devoted a portion of my life to righting the wrongs and fighting the discrimination society has burdened us Snapple lovers. Soon, my friends, I hope to form a group of lobbyists

     That is all for now, and remember in the immortal words of The Most Interesting Man in the World: "Stay Thirsty My Friends."

ELEGY for "GO BANANAS"

For year’s now, I’ve been “going bananas” trying to find the Snapple ”Go Bananas” flavor in delis who would sell it consistently and now they’re discontinuing it! :(

*SNIFF* I loved Snapple! We had something special and beautiful together. I’d pay them money and  they’d give me banana juice & Real Facts. I can;t live without that relationship.

Hey, Snapple, here’s a Real Fact for you: “One of Snapple’s best customers doesn’t know if he can go on living without “Go Bananas”!

*SOB* 

Do you even know how hard it is to find bottled banana juice in stores in the tri-state area? I have to drive an hour away to Corrado’s! Once there, I endure the sights, sounds and smells of disgusting, international, third-world goat parts, cattle genitalia and the stench of a thousand rotting cheeses! 

My investigations have led me to several deli workers that stock shelves and order the shipments who claim Snapple canceled that glorious, liquid-orgasm of a juice product  because of quickly spoiling puree and lack of popularity. Really? Diet Coke works as a spermicide but you can’t improve your puree?

Some creative marketing was all it would’ve taken to keep the love of my life on shelves. People I’ve talked to over the years have never even heard of banana Snapple!

*SIGH* If only there was some way I could go campaigning to make this a non-private sectror issue. Shit, I gotta get me a Super PAC, before those are (hopefully) discontinued as well. 

Sincerely and with all due respect,                                                                                                                                 The Rev. Sir, Dr. Kevin M. Kinnelon-Piastra, P.H.D. (Piastra Honorary Doctorate)                                          Dictated, not read.

FACEBOOK POLITICS

Hey! How y'all doing tonight? It's 3:30 in the afternoon?

Oh well. Anyway, it's been a hell of a while since I talked to you folks. I guess you could say I took a blogging hiatus, even though most people who call themselves bloggers got to be that way from taking one too many a hiatus. But I digress.

I wanted to talk to you today about a touchy subject, a topic most comedians don't like to discuss for fear that it alienates their audience members and shoos off potential fans. Controversy should usually be avoided! I speak, of course, about...FaceBook!

Hahaha, you thought I was gonna say "politics!" didn't you? Well, I'm an unpredictable guy. Hell, I might even be so wild as to not spell-check this post.

Alright, so really, I just wanted to share with you an encounter I experienced about fourteen minutes ago.
The following is a funny, true conversation I had with an old classmate (haven't seen him in years!) on FaceBook. Feel free to forward it in your E-Mails. We’ll call him Bob:

BOB: A black, a Muslim, and a communist walk into a bar. The bartender says “what can I get you to drink, Mr. President?”

KEVIN PIASTRA: half black, not Muslim, and not even almost a Socialist.

BOB: I’m entitled to my beliefs.

KP: Why would you want to believe something that’s been proven false? One plus one isn’t five, but you’re entitled to believe that too.

BOB: That’s all I ask.

KP: A racist, a bigot, and a stubborn/closed-minded guy walk into a bar, the bartender says, “What can I get ya, Bob?”

BOB: Too far, Kev, too far.

KP: Not as far as your joke.

----------E N D T R A N S C R I P T------------

NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU FEEL INFERIOR WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT

“If someone is trying to ostracize you it means you ARE different, and God bless you because there’s a great premium on originality!”
--Kevin Piastra

I totally understand insults and hitting below the belt from strangers sucks, it really does.

However, you shouldn’t let those nasty bastards get to you. There are simply TONS of people online who TRY to bully anyone they can. This is because they are the sick, dumb, depressed lowlifes.

Folks have bullied me on Twitter and my close friend was going at it with some limey, British bastards for almost 5 years on YouTube! This stuff happens all the time—okay, too often.
But after a while I learned to get over it. After a week or two I stopped trying to get back at this Twitter guy, who was calling me “an ugly faggot who isn’t funny!” Well, guess what? Since I decided to not respond, he went away! I never heard from this guy again!

On the Internet, there is a name for people who sign up for social networking accounts for the sole purpose of trying to spread misery to others. These people are called TROLLS.

TROLLS are those who never grow out of 8th grade bullying, and their only purpose online is to try to get attention from people by insulting them. This is because no one cares about TROLLS in life!

What you can try to do is turn their cruelty into a positive piece of entertainment. It’s like how late-night hosts take political clips or videos of celebs out of context to poke fun at them, because they’re hard to make fun of in any other way.

Responding with anger/sadness to these haters/bullies GIVES them the power they’re after. That is not how you want to handle a bully. You shouldn’t get even; you should employ Kung-Fu philosophy on your attacker: “defend, don’t attack; and use your enemy’s attacks against them”.

Bullies have attacked THE BEST of public figures. Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia, EVERY politician, Larry David. These famous people, for the most part, know how to handle the pressure of public scrutiny.

Comedians and politicians know that it’s a very good idea to make fun of their-selves before others get a chance to. This way, a bully figures, “Well, he already made fun of himself, so how hurt could he be by what I have to say?”

TROLLS are the ones who are truly suffering. They just want to spread their pain. Misery loves company right? So, by making fun of their insults, I owned it.

Acknowledging a bully in any other way would be giving them power. The best way to get back to people like Sean Hannity, for example, would be to boycott his show and dismiss his validity. NOTHING PISSES OFF A BULLY OFF MORE!

Sometimes you’re being attacked out of jealousy, and a lot of people are good at masking their jealousy with annoying cruelty.

Anyway...